Hal-lame-ween ended up being less lame than I thought this year. Scored a whole bunch of candy and hit up some of the ol' stomping grounds. If you think you're ready to step up to my level, let me give you some tips from the master about how to optimize your candy haul.

Start as early as possible. Who says it has to be dark? I say anytime after three is fair game. Also, it's never too late at night to keep trick or treating. If their porch light is still on, they're open for business.

Now, when reaching in the candy bowl, don't settle for one piece. Get a few pieces in between your fingers and palm them. Also, pick a costume with gloves. Extra reach = extra candy.

Scout your neighborhoods, people. Check out your potential candy grounds for houses that are closer together. You don't want to waste time walking. Nicer houses might mean better candy, but with smaller, cramped neighborhoods, you'll more than make up for it in volume. Apartments are the best. Also, find a drop spot so you can safely ditch your candy without having to go all the way home. The lighter bag will save you time. Just make sure your drop spot is well hidden.

When picking a costume, go with something you can run in so you won't be slowed down. One year, I went as jogging Forrest Gump. Life was like a box of chocolates that night. Actually, it was more like a giant bag of candy.

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