Tessa's Field Guide to the Suburbs - "Hear No Evil"

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Success

Description: That sweet manna from heaven which some move to the suburbs to enjoy and others to project.  Typically measured monetarily, success may also be calculated by the length of one’s driveway or number of one’s enemies.  While many in the suburbs achieve success through inheritance and strategic marriages, on occasion hard work is involved.  Those hard workers, often considered cute by their more entitled suburban peers, sometimes take on the less desirable characteristics of said peers as they flourish more and more in their chosen field.  Such unfortunate characteristics include dying one’s hair/toupee to match one’s car and concluding conversations with “ciao.”

Most Successful Chatswinian (Net Worth): Athanasius Anagnostou.  Shipping magnate.  $6.7 billion fortune.  

Most Successful Chatswinian (Driveway Length): Martin Halverstram.  Investment banker.  5.6 mile driveway.

Most Successful Chatswinian (Number of Enemies): Samuel Clarkson. Patent holder of the IRS audit. 310 million enemies.