Tessa's Field Guide to the Suburbs - "Down Time"

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The Third Wheel

Description: An unfortunate phenomenon during which an individual without a significant other finds him or herself stuck in a social situation with two people in a relationship. The situation typically isn't awkward until one of the people in the relationship innocently but inevitably raises the issue of how hard it is to date someone and still spend time with single friends. The conversation then devolves into the offender saying, "Oh, I didn't-- What I meant was..." and the bachelor or bachelorette interrupting with "I know, I know. Don't worry about it." This is followed by an awkward silence that is then filled with the couple chuckling to themselves about an inside joke. An alternate version of the third wheel scenario involves the couple making out in front of the bachelor or bachelorette without regard for propriety or public indecency laws. When the single party clears his or her throat or tries to say something to stop the couple, the offenders shoot him or her a blood-curdling look that says, "If you're really this intolerant, it's no wonder you're single."

Remedies: (A) Avoid gatherings populated with couples. (B) Find a single friend to bring to gatherings populated with couples. (C) Just find a significant other. It's not that hard. Oh, I didn't-- What I meant was...

Preferable situations to being the third wheel: Spontaneously combusting, investing the family fortune in New Coke and Crystal Pepsi, sitting between two fat guys on the Hindenburg.