Tessa's Field Guide to the Suburbs - "Driving Miss Dalia"

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DMV

AKA: Department of Motor Vehicles, Gateway to Freedom.

Services Provided: The keys to adulthood. Also voter registration and organ harvesting.

Description:  Large building filled with fluorescent lighting, eye charts and disgruntled government minions.  Those seeking a license to drive must endure waits of several hours which also double as endurance tests.  Hopefuls must then pass written tests comprised of labyrinthine multiple-choice questions involving motor vehicles and their required avoidance of pedestrians.  Questions vary from region to region.  The most missed at Chatswin’s DMV station posits: “How many ounces of Red Bull may one legally consume before assuming the wheel of one’s chariot?”  There is no actual answer. Once one surpasses the obstacle of the written test, he or she must then apply their knowledge through a practical examination. If one successfully avoids any traffic violations or casualties, they are permitted to pose for the worst picture of their lives, which will then be immortalized in plastic and commented upon at airports and bars.

Most frequent patron: Dalia Royce

Longest Wait: Approximately 12 hours, 40 minutes -- Walt Gunderson.

Hardest Practical Examination Administrator: DMV Officer Edith Winterfell