Tessa's Field Guide to the Suburbs - "Thanksgiving"

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Thanksgiving

AKA: Black Friday Eve  

Traditional Greeting: Gobble, gobble!

Description: Annual event commemorating the original harvest festival attended by the Pilgrims and the Indians. Most variations revolve around a feast of roast turkey with dressing, mashed potatoes with gravy and Mrs. Smith’s Pumpkin Pie with Cool Whip. Great wars have been waged regarding the presence of green bean casserole at the table. Ceremonial dress varies depending on your clan. Some opt for traditional garb of wool and calico, while others update the look with mini-skirts and stilettos. While not mandatory, most celebrations culminate in a conflict, verbal or physical, between two or more attendees.

Aftermath: Bloated stomachs, open-faced turkey sandwiches and at least one bargain bin fight.