It wouldn’t do anyone any favors to rehash this year’s Christmas party, so let’s not. Let’s take what we can from the experience and move on. Below, please find the top five lessons to be learned from the Altman Tree Trimming.
1) Lisa needs to wear more clothes. It seems a bit strange she didn’t latch onto this after Thanksgiving, but people rebel in their own ways and under-dressing/not dressing seems to be her go-to. Hopefully in time she’ll discover less pneumonia-inducing means of rebellion.
2) Don’t make Ms. Ainsley angry. You wouldn’t like her when she’s angry. Well, you would. She’s like a corgi in a huff. It’s pretty cute.
3) Juicy buns are a thing, and they’re great. The secret’s in the pork, which should be lean and lightly seared. If you try to make sticky buns, I recommend buying your pork from Joe at Chatswin Meat Market – he has an unbelievable selection – but you can ask the butcher at your local grocery store and he should be able to help you find the right cut.
4) Mistletoe doesn’t belong in the most public room of a house. People think it’s cute putting it where it will get the most foot traffic and visibility, but they’re wrong. No one should have to watch two people kiss because of a random plant. It’s weird.
5) Mr. Wolfe is a less than ideal party guest. Pushing his food on other guests, mocking our wreath, lurking in corners – I was uncomfortable for him. I don’t know how he wound up at the party – it seems entirely possible he invited himself – but he needs to scale back his social calendar until he cools down a bit.
And that’s it. If you were at the party and think I missed any lessons worth learning, please let me know, but I really think I covered just about everything. Happy Holidays!