Story 1: Tessa starts dispensing relationship advice, even to people who don't ask for it; Tessa and Mr. Wolfe discover Chef Alan is cheating on him.

Memorable Quotes

Tessa: "Uh-oh. Looks like somebody's relationship's gonna need a whole messa Ask Tessa."
Malik and Lisa: "No."

Tessa: "There's nothing you want to Ask Tessa? Trademark pending."
Mr. Wolfe: "I feel like you're asking me to ask you something, but I'm not sure what you're asking and I'm afraid to ask."

Mr. Wolfe: "Who wouldn't be attracted to Norman? He's a Norseman."
Tessa: "I didn't realize he was from Norway."
Mr. Wolfe: "He's not, it's gay slang and I'd rather not define it for you."

Tessa: "He's the catch of the day and you are Friday's chili, made with Thursday's hamburger meat."

Lisa: "There's nothing a two-day-old ginger snap can't fix."
Mr. Wolfe: "How about adultery?"

Story 2: Noah goes on a vendetta against Dallas for getting Carmen back; George and Dallas coach a T-ball team to defeat Noah's team.

Memorable Quotes

Dallas: "Does this vendetta know no bounds?"
Noah: "It's boundless! You stole Carmen!"
Dallas: "Carmen was returned to my employ by Father Christmas!"

Hairstylist Yves Clyde (to Noah): "We need to get you rinsed out. We want you summersy, not Suzanne Somersy"

Noah: "I will not rest until I've stolen your GP, your ENT, AND your OB/GYN, even if I have to grow my own lady parts!"

Jill: "I have my regrets about the way it ended. Is she...happy?"
Dallas: "Who, Carmen? Oh she's thriving. She's gained her weight back, she's showing affection, she stopped tearing her slippers apart. She's in a good home now."

Noah (feeling betrayed by George): "I thought that you were Crockett and I was Tubbs. I thought that you were Tango and I was Cash. I thought that you were Dunston and I had checked in!"

Dallas: "Failure is not an option. It's one of my top three most hated things, right behind decorated denim and pinheads."