MODERN FAMILY - "Two Monkeys and a Panda" - While Claire runs herself ragged trying to play peacemaker with Haley and Alex, Phil sneaks off for a nice relaxing day at the spa. Meanwhile, Gloria is horrified by Jay's morbid plans to purchase two primo side-by-side crypts in preparation of the inevitable future, and Cameron decides he wants to write a book that celebrates the fact that Lily is adopted -- however, during the process he unearths artifacts that are quite disturbing -- on "Modern Family," WEDNESDAY, MARCH 2 (9:00-9:31 p.m., ET), on the ABC Television Network. (ABC/ADAM TAYLOR) JONATHAN MCMURTRY, SOFIA VERGARA, ED O'NEILL, MARY ANNE MCGARRY