Claire (after checking into the hotel): "Nothing from the minibar and no pay-per-view."
Manny: "Can we at least..."
Claire: "No, you may not send things out for pressing."
Manny (on a hotel guest who's there to attend a bar mitzvah): "No girl's ever smiled at me like that. Luke, we have to go to that bar mitzvah."
Manny: "There was a connection. I know this sounds crazy, but I feel like my whole life has led to this moment."
Luke: "You made a very similar speech to make my mom stop for those churros."
Manny: "She's not here. We have the wrong bar mitzvah!"
Luke: "Not if you like prime rib, bubbe."
Claire: "I like it too much when you win. I really love lording it over the other moms."
Alex: "Well, in our house I'm kind of your only source for that."
Claire: "You're telling me. Haley emails me pictures of her nails, and Luke asked me if he's part owl."
Alex: "He does get his head pretty far around."
Memorable Quotes:Phil (after wiring the house to his iPad): "Phil Dunphy, this is the year 2025. Welcome. You're the first one here."
Gloria: "I am too tired. The baby kicked me all night. I swear it's either going to be a football player or a chorus girl."
Cameron: "You could be both. My senior year, I was a right-side linebacker and a left-side can-can dancer in Gigi."
Mitchell: "Wow, she really set you up for that one, didn't she?"
Cameron: "I know. When it came out of her mouth, I nearly stopped breathing."
Mitchell: "Something was clearly going on with my dad, but I wasn't about to get sucked in. It's happened before: 'Dad, you seem sad. You want to talk?'" (as Jay) "'Talk?!? What are we, girlfriends?!?'"
Mitchell: (acting out a conversation with Jay): "'Dad I can see that you're going through something.'" (as Jay) "'And I can see your bra strap, Oprah. Mind your own business!'"
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