Alex (on Phil's Street Strider): "Even I think it's nerdy, and I'm fluent in Elvish."
Claire (on Phil's Street Strider): "You've finally found something less cool than those pants that rip off into shorts."
Phil: "My shants. Which you've been gunning for since Day 1. Does it matter to any of you that this actually an extremely efficient cardiovascular workout that could prolong my life?
Claire: "Hmmm, yeah, but what kind of life?"
Phil: "I'm terrified of motorcycles, but sometimes you have to do things to show the world you're still a man. Same reason I got that henna tattoo."
Phil (trapped under the motorcycle): "I gotta get my leg free. Why didn't I wear my shannnnnttttssss?!!!?"
Phil (filming himself while trapped under the motorcycle): "If I had to make a playlist for being trapped under a motorcycle, it would be 'Stuck in the Middle,' 'Hit the Road, Jack,' anything by Heavy D... Ooh, Pointer Sisters' 'Neutron Dance.'"
Phil (filming himself while trapped under the motorcycle): "Oh my goodness! There are some DVDs in a shoebox in my closet that I was holding for... a buddy. Um, you can go ahead and just throw the whole box away."
Alex: "Yes, when Michael took me to prom, I questioned his sexuality. But then, we made out. A couple times. There was even a little under-the-shirt action. His chest is very smooth."Claire: "I don't want her to get her heart broken. When it comes to boys, her self-esteem is low enough as it is."
Manny: "We're having a yard sale for our social studies class to raise money for UNICEF. The point is for us to learn about global altruism."
Luke: "No, the point is for us to raise more money than Mrs. Cooper's class so we get a pizza and a pool party."
Manny: "Your cynicism makes me sad for our world."
Luke: "Ease up, Delgado. I've seen you eat pizza."
Luke (to Mitchell as he tries to stash away Cam's old fat pants): "Hey, this is for charity. You know that you're taking those jeans out of the hands of some needy, giant children."
Mitchell: "You know they're not getting the actual jeans, right, Luke?"
Luke: "Oh, right. Well, then how about a donation?"
Mitchell: "Twenty bucks?"
Luke: "A hundred."
Luke: "Sure. What's it to you if some kid gets sick bathing in Poo River, Africa?"
Luke: "I know how to push buttons to get what I want. And what I want is to see a puppet show."
Gloria: "Uncle Grumpy, we're in public."
Uncle Grumpy: "Aye, look at all those white faces. I see we made it... over the wall!"
Uncle Grumpy: "I just came from the movies. A whole day's pay to see Basic Instinct."
Gloria: "Oh! And what do you think?"
Uncle Grumpy: "Basically, it stinks!"
Uncle Grumpy: "I just met the girl of my dreams."
Gloria: "That's such great news!"
Uncle Grumpy: "No! She gave me the termites!"
Claire (on Gloria): "Oh, my god. She married her puppet."
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