Claire (trying to convince Phil that Luke can quit magic if he wants to): "Let's play this out. Even if he is one in a million, what's our best case scenario? He becomes what?"
Phil (excitedly) and Claire (reluctantly): "A professional magician!"
Phil (after hanging Luke upside-down for the Butler's Escape): "Trust me, I know what's best for you. Now, watch your timing. In the stage version, the rope's on fire and you're suspended over a bed of nails."Phil: "There are two things I know with dead certainty: How to shoulder-roll out of a human pyramid and the dark arts of the Butler's Escape."
STORY 2: Jay Wants to Escape from Gloria
Gloria's pregnancy is causing her to snore and keep Jay awake, so he stages a fake business trip in San Francisco just so he can check into a hotel and get some sleep.
Manny: "We've got a crisis in this house. You've been snoring, but I got you these nasal strips. In the commercial, the old man's angry red soundwaves turn a gentle blue."
Gloria: "I'm like an old man?!?"
Gloria: "You told me that you were in Frisco, and you were here in a hotel?"
Jay: "Let me just say one thing. Don't say 'Frisco.' They hate that."
Gloria: "I was thinking. It's such a shame that this hotel room is going to go to waste."
Jay: "I like where this is headed..."
Gloria (snatching Jay's hotel keys and walking away): "Make Manny some pasta. I'll see you tomorrow morning, OK?"
STORY 3: Mitch and Cam Want to Escape from Their Role Reversal
It's Cam's first day teaching music class, so Mitchell stays home to take care of Lily and run errands. Neither Cam nor Mitchell had any idea how difficult their day would be.
Cameron: "I want you to call the electrician, but not Brad. Remember we had a problem with him last time about the billing."
Mitchell: "He wanted his name above the title?"
Mitchell: "Here is your lunch."
Lily: "You spilled it!"
Mitchell: "Why is the top open?"
Lily: "Daddy always zips it for me."
Mitchell: "Maybe you should zip it."
Lily: "I heard that!"
Cameron (to his music class): "Let's form an orchestra made up of my favorite instruments: your beautiful bodies!"
Luke (under his breath to Manny): "Getting creepy..."
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