Cameron loves his mom, Barb. Yes, Mother Tucker is quite a woman. Mitchell thinks Barb is an open, caring, loving lady. He also believes she's a little too touchy-feely. Mitch can't bring up anything negative to Cam about his mom. He says, "One time I added salt to her casserole and he went into the garage and punched the car." Claire suggests that he let Cameron catch Barb in the act of feeling up Mitchell. Sounds like a plan!

Well, Cameron seems to be looking the other way whenever Barb does things like fish a quarter out of Mitchell's pants pocket. But Cam's eyes are wide open when he catches his partner trying to entrap Barb by asking her to place her magic fingers on his fanny. This leads to private conversation where Mitchell blurts out the fact that Mother Tucker has been all over him. Of course, Barb happens to walk by the moment he says this. Oops!

Things settle down and Barb later apologizes to Mitchell through a closed bathroom door. All is forgiven until Barb opens the door to catch Mitch taking a bubble bath. She just won't leave. Heaven knows what the lifespan of those bubbles will be now that Mitchell is squirming around in mild panic.

Cam comes in and explains to his mom that this may be an example of one of those situations that have made Mitchell a wee bit uncomfortable in the past. Mother Tucker understands completely. She'll be more than happy to vacate the sudsy premises. But first she wants to capture this moment with a picture. Say cheese quickly, Mitchell. Those bubbles can't last forever.

When Claire catches Haley making out with her math tutor, she suggests it's time to break up with Dylan. The relationship ends with the click of a quick text message. The sad face emoticon Dylan sends in his reply text sums up the hurt he's feeling through the phone. But it's nothing compared to the pain Phil's experiencing right there in the kitchen. He and D-Money are very close. Well, Phil thinks they are.

To help Dylan get over his heartbreak, Phil goes guitar shopping with him. They grab some ice cream afterwards. When Phil steps away, Haley happens to walk by to see Dylan seated at a table for two. She assumes he's already found a new girlfriend. Later, Dylan shows up at the Dunphy home after getting some angry texts from Haley. It's a slightly awkward moment when everyone realizes that Dylan's rebound girl is actually Phil.

Haley realizes that she doesn't want to break up with Dylan, but the feeling isn't mutual. Phil comforts his heartbroken daughter. He says, "I know it hurts now, sweetheart, but that's how you know it was a relationship worth having." Phil can be a bit of a goof sometimes, but he'll always be a great dad.

Jay's been having some stomach issues lately. Manny's favorite "Internet Doctor" website suggests a variety of medical possibilities. Gloria thinks it's nothing. She believes Americans are soft and her hubby is no exception. She mocks Jay regarding his phantom pain and decides to do some angry shopping. Manny, however, continues his medical research since he's not crazy about Jay's color.

Dr. Manny thinks Jay shows all the signs of diverticulitis. This is something that occurs when pouches form on the colon wall and become infected. How do we know this? Well, we looked it up on the Net! Jay decides it's time to head off to the hospital. Manny can tell Gloria after he gets a 15-minute head start.

As it turns out, Jay has appendicitis and needs surgery right away. Gloria feels horrible. She says, "Why do I always almost kill my husbands?" It's an excellent question and Jay wants to hear the story behind it. But first he heads off to the OR. If you're wondering what the recovery time is for appendicitis, you can probably find that info on the Web. Ask Manny for the link.