Smart Women: A Primer - 12/13/11

I’m surrounded by smart women. It’s fantastic. And it’s also why I’m probably going to die young.

But I will say that having a brilliant wife is a very underrated. It’s all too easy to slack off and let her take the reins periodically when you feel like you need a little break. “Mike, can you make sure we filed the proper paperwork on our 401(k) Roth conversion?” Now, sure, you can handle that. But sometimes, the Broncos are 4th and 1 just out of field goal range with 40 seconds to go. Also, that Roth business is mind-numbingly boring, and you’re comfortable right there on the couch.

First things first: Don’t panic. You can easily appeal to her I-can-survive-without-a-man pride with just the slightest bit of hesitation. Buy this time by nodding slowly and narrowing your eyes -- that signals you’re trying to process the request, but you just aren’t getting there. Even if you’ve done this task before, say you haven’t, and then go a little bit doe-in-the-crosshairs. During those moments of hesitation, a smart, capable woman becomes annoyed with your inability to get things done -- not so much that you’ll get yourself in trouble, but enough to motivate her to  just take care of it herself.

The trick is to only use this in moderation. You do this maneuver too much and soon she’ll be hiring plumbers and electricians whenever something breaks. You get to that point and you might as well box up your manhood and ship it to a Bloomingdale’s.

For a while there I have to admit I was becoming concerned that Mandy would be the exception to my cadre of smart women, but it looks like she’s got a little aptitude for something after all. Getting her to work is still a bit like trying to catch a 30-pound salmon with a catfish rig, but maybe this taste of success will spur her to, I don’t know, buckle down for four consecutive hours the next time around. Ed’s apology helped ease her worries about criticism, but really, I can’t see her ever getting too upset about ticking people off. She does it to us every day and shows absolutely no remorse. She’s made for this gig.