Unless You're Barefoot, Shut It - 3/20/12

First things first: I'm all for animal rights. And some of the largest hunting organizations are also the biggest conservators of wetlands and open space. And no matter how hard we try, at the end of the day we can't bag every last duck. And so those wetlands will thrive and keep species alive because hunters were the only people to step up. That is a fact.

But I guarantee you that if that coyote was trying to eat Muffin or some other small rodent, my whole family and Terrence would be screaming "SHOOT!!!" Who decides which animals are worth more than a coyote? Is there a wallet-size reference chart for this, or maybe a secret committee somewhere?

I mean, it's fine if you want to believe all that environmental stuff. I'm not going to stop you. But if you're going to be confrontational and shove it in my face you'd better be ready to back it up. I mean, he drove a hybrid -- why didn't he go all-electric? Doesn't he care about the environment? And they still had to mine the metals for his car, so why doesn't he just ride the bus? And they have to cut down trees to make bus passes, so that's out, and since bikes require metal and rubber too, why doesn't he just walk everywhere? Barefoot, of course, since they also use evil plastic and polyester to make shoes.

If you show up to my house in a hybrid and then yell at me about the environment, I'm going to get in your face. If you show up barefoot and dirty and yell at me about the environment, I'm...well, I'm probably still going to get in your face. But I might respect you a little bit more. Maybe. Your chances increase if you show up with Broncos tickets. And they definitely decrease if you're a guy coming to pick up one of my daughters.