Big Surprise: I Was Right - 2/21/12

This whole loan issue with my brother Jim -- much like countless other situations -- could have been solved quickly and easily if everyone had just realized that I am always right.
 
Let’s take a look back at this ridiculous dilemma that Jim got himself into by making some laughably awful business decisions that I obviously wouldn’t have made. We went to the bank and Jim’s loan was denied by a kid who said he was a classmate of Kristen’s (though he looked more like the goalie on Eve’s soccer team). What was my solution? Outdoor Man will co-sign the loan. What ended up happening? Outdoor Man co-signed the loan. I’m fairly certain that’s the very definition of being right.

I’m not sure why Jim still can’t predict how these things will always end up: I speak, and Right comes out. (Actually, my entire family could use a second look at this pattern.) If I were on one of those insipid reality shows that Mandy always watches, this is where they’d show a cleverly edited montage of all my being-right moments here. Any of the footage that came from my childhood would inevitably show my brother lying next to a broken rope swing, pinned under a smoking dirt bike, or being slapped by a girl, and I’d be right there next to him, shaking my head.

It’s not just that Jim’s always wrong. It’s that he’s always wrong, but always thinks he’s right. That’s so much worse. Kyle’s usually wrong, but he’s also quick to admit it. (And on those rare occasions where he actually is right, it’s pretty easy to convince him he’s wrong and get your way.) But stubbornness? I just can’t deal with it. I won’t deal with it. I completely refuse to deal with it. Because it's just not right.