Aunt April and Other Nightmares - 5/8/12

We've already got three kids around the house... do we really need another one? Vanessa's little sister April crashing in our guestroom is my worst nightmare. She's probably already littered the place with socialist brochures and aromatherapy candles. I'm not sure which one troubles me more.

What worries me the most about April is that I look at her and I fear that I'm looking into Mandy's future. There's still hope for Mandy, but this is the worst case scenario. Still yapping about boys, still around here all the time, still asking for money... still around here all the time. On the list of Poor Role Models for Mandy, it's April at #1, closely followed by Anyone Mandy Would Pick on Her Own.

I just don't want Mandy to start thinking you can get something for free, like April clearly does -- a theory no doubt encouraged by Vanessa constantly giving April everything for free. Meanwhile, April goes to school for everything, never having to actually get a real job yet always being able to pretend like she's on some sort of career path. It's genius. Diabolical, but genius. Although if she spent all the energy she puts into finding ways not to work into, you know, working, she'd probably be the next Bill Gates.

But instead, she's crashing in our guest room. So I'm basically being punished for her lack of drive. I just don't see how this is retribution in-kind for me buying a tank. A tank can only inflict localized damage, where April is more like a nuclear bomb that lays waste to a huge swath of country and then makes it uninhabitable for years after the fact. So buying a tank doesn't exactly make us even. Now if I add an armored personnel carrier to my collection, that could balance it out. But I might need a fighter jet too.