Hands Can Be a Bra - 11/8/11

I can’t believe that my dad actually talked to Travis’s mom about the modeling pictures. I mean, I can believe it, because he’s totally awful like that. But Travis said his mom totally went crazy after he was done with his trombone lesson. So now I’m like totally embarrassed to sneak into Travis’s bedroom window at night. It’s awful. And she compared me to Kristin?!? Our skin tones are like, not even close. If that woman can’t tell the difference between sandy beige and soft honey then she just can’t be helped.

The whole thing is stupid anyway. Tons of famous, successful people have been way nakeder than me in pictures. Kim Kardashian (famous businesswoman), Paris Hilton (owns a bunch of hotels I think), and Lindsay Lohan (famous singer) are just three off the top of my head. The internet says a Reagan and a Sinatra were in Playboy, and Dad won’t shut up about those guys. Plus -- super-extra-mega plus -- MY HANDS WERE COVERING EVERYTHING! Unless you have X-ray vision, those weren’t even topless photos, so really, this whole thing has been blown way out of proportion.

Speaking of proportions, thinking about the way I appear if I’m wearing little to no clothing in magazines for all to see has been very educational. And I’ve concluded that I could maybe use a little work. Some preventative cankle liposuction might be in order, and my collarbones don’t stick out nearly enough, so I might have to address that too. Also, I’ve been reading about hip implants, and I think those sound pretty cool. It’s weird that they’re so popular with old people though.

The only good thing to come out of this is that I heard that skanky Tina Franklin tried out for America’s Next Hot Teen Model, and they told her she looked like Lana Turner. It’s like, what?!? They actually called her some no-name model to her face! That’s what she gets for wearing the same dress as me that one day back in August.