Old People Dating Old People - 4/17/12

Meeting grandpa's new girlfriend Stella was a really heavy experience for me. It made me realize that at some point in my life of getting every boy I ever want, I'll be doing it while I'm old.

I always just assumed I'd look like this -- you know, superhot -- forever. But I guess it's possible that someday I'll get a wrinkle, or date a guy that's over 35 who isn't George Clooney. Would it be like that show with the old ladies in Florida that my mom used to watch? Old people dating old people?

I feel like when I do it, it won't be that weird though. I'm going to be a pretty sexy older woman. I take care of this thang. (You can't see me but I'm waving my hands all around myself.) For starters, I moisturize. Also, I just read about this old woman who had like no wrinkles, and she attributed it to only washing her face in cold water her whole life. So obviously, I am following the advice of Mysterious 86-Year-Old Hungarian Woman and doing the same. Crazy, you say? I don't see any wrinkles on this face. Mysterious 86-Year-Old Hungarian Woman, 1; you, 0.

And let's be honest, with all the fame and fortune I'll obviously acquire over my lifetime, there will still be young hotties lining up at my door. I'll still be in good shape at that age anyway, and if I can avoid wrinkles too, I'll be unstoppable. Hot guys who aren't even born yet will be falling at my feet. Girls that are like young versions of me won't be able to compete against the real deal. Sorry, Future Me Ladies...Future Me will still have the man-market cornered.