STORY 1: Pete Proposes and Max Pranks
Pete proposes to Penny. Or did he? The gang is on edge and paranoid about getting pranked after Max vows revenge on them for tricking him into thinking he's won the lottery. No one's safe from his revenge pranks, but Pete does actually propose to Penny.
Penny: "'Tis true, Max hath scammed us all. Remember when he buttered my yoga mat... and my welcome mat... and my neighbor Matt?"
Brad: "Or when he hacked my Ancestry account and convinced me that I was the third Williams sister."
Alex (after almost falling victim to a booby-trapped "Happy Muffin Month" basket left by Max): "I should've known! Muffin month isn't until May!"
Penny: "And it isn't real!"
Alex: "You guys realize that we are just prawns in his game? Little shrimp, swimming around waiting to be eaten by a big shark named Max!"
Alex (after cutting her own hair so Max won't prank her): "Great prank, OK? You're a regular Ashton Kutcher. What're you gonna do next, waste eight of Demi Moore's remaining good years?"
Max: "My revenge will be served like the tennis serve of a 7th grade girl. Slow, out of bounds and I will pull balls out of my skirt."
Dave: Al, look at yourself! This is getting ridiculous, you don't have to join Max. We can prank him. Beat him at his own game. We'll give him a shot of pre-vengeance with a dose of pre-taliation and finish him off with a load of pre-comeuppance."
Dave (to Alex after hurting her leg in a prank gone wrong): "You know, I've always been secretly turned on by a pint-sized girl with a limp. When Kerri Strug stuck that landing, I stuck myself in my bedroom for quite some time."
Dave: "Perfect. Pranking Max outside of Pete's will give us a real element of surprise. I could not have done this without you."
Alex: "I'm not as dumb as I am!"
Dave: "You're about to witness some real genius. Specifically, the popcorn prank from Real Genius."
Brad: "Doesn't take a real genius to know that is a prank I am not familiar with."
Jane (after Max blows up his limo): "So you knowingly blew up your one and only source of income for a prank."
Max: "No Jane, I am going to collect such the big daddy sweet insurance check once... Dammit, I don't have insurance."
Alex: "You didn't get me! I didn't get pranked! Ha ha haaa!
Max: "Oh yeah? You didn't get pranked? You gave yourself a sideways Kate Gosselin, bazooka-ed yourself through a coffee table, and Gillooly-ed your leg. I think you got pranked, trick!"
STORY 2: Brad Gets a New Job
Brad has ended his "sabbradical" and goes on a job hunt. After a series of failed interviews, Brad takes a job at the kid's gym, Chuckles & Huggs. Jane thinks it's out of desperation, but it turns out to be a position he genuinely enjoys.
Brad: "My sabbradical is officially over, and I'm ready to jump back into the world of high finance. Call me Melanie Griffith, because I'm gonna be working, girl."
Brad (trying to salvage a bad job interview): "Good lookin' family you got there. Handsome son."
Interviewer: "That's my daughter Stephanie."
Brad: "Well, she sure knows her way around a chain saw... Lovely wife, by the way."
Interviewer: "That's my brother."
Brad: "Did I mention I'm black?"
Brad (recounting his bad day of interviews): "I mistook the first guy's baby for a dog. Other highlights: I forcibly tried on a guy's shoe, showed a lady my stomach and then peed on a guy. Granted, it was at the urinal after the interview, but still... It was penis water."
Penny: "So Brad got a job, that's great!"
Jane: "Great? Really? What else is great? Syphilis? Men with bangs? Waking up with a dead dog in your damn bed?"