STORY 1: Team Xela Kicks Ball
Alex convinces the gang to compete for Team Xela in a city kickball tournament, but Jane, their best player, defects to play for Kaz’s Auto Body Shop and Dave is suffering from a case of the "Yips."
Penny: "X-E-L-A spells 'Shayla?'''
Dave: "I didn't even know you could pronounce the name of your store. I thought it was a four-letter Celtic symbol for 'failure.'"
Max (After appointing himself team manager): "Now I am willing to work for, at minimum, league maximum. Because there is NO WAY you are getting Max for the minimum.”
Brad (To Dave): "Face it, you're prone to the Yips. Remember when you forgot the words to 'Gangsta's Paradise?' To this day you still can't perform a eulogy!"
Brad: "People call me 'Bunt Cake.'"
Dave: "No one calls you that."
Brad: "Well, nobody calls me the guy who defuses tense situations with unexpected compliments but that doesn't mean it's not true. By the way, Dave, have your fingers lost weight?"
Jane: "You see, I like to win, so I'm taking my talents to South Side Kaz's Auto Body Shop."
Penny: "That is cold-blooded, LeBlonde Jane."
Max: "All right everybody, this is what we're gonna do. We're gonna start off with some light stretching. That will be followed by some heavy losing, which will then be followed by some even heavier drinking."
Scotty: “Hey guys, sorry I’m late, I was getting juiced up. Mango and orange. Also doin’ steroids. For my thyroid condition. And for strength. ‘Cause of my weak spine. ‘Cause I did too many steroids.”
Jane: "You're only as good as your weakest link – I'm talking about Yips-ee Ki-Yay Mother-Failure over there."
Dave (Intoning): "See the ball, kick the ball. See the kick, kick the Penny—No, David!"
Alex: "Look, Dave, I feel terrible about this Lance Briggs thing, so I made you Apology Soup."
Dave: "Is it the same recipe as I'm-Sorry-You-Saw-My-Mom-Naked Soup?"
Alex: "Yep, corn chowder."
Alex: "You're that mad? Look, I don't have time to break out the slow cooker and make Apology Pork Loin with a side of Super-Sorry Glaze, I just—I don't have that time!"
Scotty (On playing against Ivanov Nail Salon): "You got the right guy Max, I despise Soviets. You know why? Because they rendered every single one of my old globes obsolete."