STORY 1: Alex Sells a Dress
When pop star Winnie McCray (guest star Laura Catalina Ortiz) buys a dress from Alex’s store for a special date, Penny’s plan to tip off the paparazzi to get publicity for the store backfires.
Alex: "I kind of feel bad about spilling the beans on Winnie's date."
Penny: "If she didn't want people to know she was here, why would she tell you?"
Alex: "I just have one of those faces that says, 'Where are you eating?' 'Cause my mouth is in my face and that's what my mouth is saying."
Penny: "Relax, this is my specialty, I can spin this, which is why everyone at work calls me 'The Old Spinster!'"
Alex: "I've got to hand it to you Penny, you were right."
Penny: "Well that's the reason everyone at work calls me 'undateable.' Because you can't put a date on the last time I was wrong about a PR-related issue."
Penny: "Winnie, I am really, genuinely sorry. I just saw a PR opportunity and I went full speed ahead like a runaway train, which is why everyone in my office calls me 'an absolute trainwreck!' Wait…I'm starting to question those loving nicknames."
STORY 2: Max's Identity Crisis
When Max realizes he doesn’t fit into any of the traditional gay categories, Jane and Derrick (guest star Stephen Guarino) take him on a tour of gay bars in Chicago to help him find out where he belongs.
Max: "Well, it's official: I am retiring from gay. That’s right, I'm straight now. From this moment forward it's going to be a steady diet of boobs and dudes—damn it! From this moment forward it will be a steady diet of chicks with—damn it!"
Derrick (explaining what a "twink" is): "It's one of our many gay categories. We have our bears, our queens, our daddies, our sugar caddies, our maple smoked sausage patties, our Belgian waffles, and of course our six-tops. Fun fact, those last four are just things that are in this room."
Derrick: "Are you ready to continue your quest, young grasshopper? Just to clarify, 'young grasshopper' isn't your gay category, because you don't have the legs and you old, bitch!"
Jane: "According to my math, you are 10 percent panther, 15 percent wolf, zero percent twink, and 40 percent body fat."
Max: "I guess no one will ever love me. Now I know how webisodes feel."
STORY 3: Brad and Dave Man It Up
Brad and Dave set out to prove their manhood by taking on a home improvement task and end up competing in their very own Man-Am games.
Dave: "I'm pretty handy. I Bob Vila-ed the squeak out of a cabinet last week."
Alex: "You used butter and then you tried to make croissants and didn't have enough butter and then screamed into a brown bag."
Dave: "I know what I screamed into."
Brad (On installing a dimmer on a light switch): "Bro, do you want to man it up and install this dim-dog ourselves?"
Dave: "Is Val Kilmer my spirit animal?"
Brad: "I don't know."
Dave: "You betcha. So yeah, I want to man it up!"