STORY 1: Happy Jane-mas to the Christmas Baby
Jane reveals that her birthday is not actually on July 16. It's on Christmas, which subjected her to many birthday pasts of combo gifts and general unmerriment. To give Jane the proper birthday she deserves, the gang declares 'tis the season to give up all Christmas-related things and throw a surprise party.

Memorable Quotes:

Brad: "Babe, I feel horrible that you had to change your birthday. You should get to celebrate on your actual day."
Jane: "I'm really OK with it. And not like when I said I was OK with you and Max starting that black circus."
Max: "You didn't like Ringling Bros. for Brothas?"

Jane (on her friends giving up Christmas): "This is gonna be tough. Christmas creeps in. Example: Santa Claus socks."
Penny: "No, no, no, no. That's not Santa. That's the old guy from Jurassic Park."

Max (to Brad throwing away a Christmas decoration): "How come you get to throw Hip-Hop Santa off the balcony, but when I do it with a balloon full of nickels it's quote, unquote 'attempted manslaughter'?"

Jane: "You really cleared this place out. No Christmas decorations. No candy canes. I don't even see your annual Christmas gingerbread Love Actually window display."
Alex: "No, I threw out the gingerbread Hugh Grant, I threw out gingerbread Liam Neeson. Full disclozsh, I ate gumdrop Bill Nighy. Yummy guy."

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STORY 2: The Gift Whisperer
Dave is the master of inspired gift-giving, so he helps Penny plan out the perfect present for her first Christmas with Pete (guest star Nick Zano).

Memorable Quotes:

Waiter: "I just need to seem some IDs."
Penny: "Ugh. Carded again? When will I look my age? Curse this amazing alabaster complexion."
Waiter: "Not just yours, ma'am."
Penny: "Ma'am?"

Dave: "I'm the gift whisperer. Gifts whisper to me and tell me who'd they be perfect for."
Penny: "Oh, really? Like when you said you were the Horse Whisperer whisperer, but you never ended up getting that DVD to work?"

Penny: "We're running out of time to find Pete's present. What is even gonna be open on Christmas? Gas station? A drug store? Israel?"

Dave (hiding clues that lead to Pete's gift): "Alright, we have a clue here, we have one under the pillow and the tenth clue will lead to the CD player, which will not work because that is where we hid the Arcade Fire tickets.
Penny: "I feel like this is needlessly confusing like that show Treme."
Dave: "No, it's not confusing. You see, Wendell Pierce is a struggling musician. Let me back up. Most people don't realize that New Orleans is the main character."

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STORY 3: Addicted to the Sweet and Creamy
With everyone giving up all evidence of Christmas to celebrate Jane-mas, Max struggles to give up his addiction to eggnog.

Memorable Quotes:

Brad: "Max is gonna be eggnostic for the day. Pun intended!"
Max: "I'm not saying there is eggnog. I'm not saying there's not eggnog. What I'm saying is there's no way to know for sure."

Brad (smelling Max): "That's eggnog. Are you back on the sweet and creamy?"