STORY 1: Helmet Required
It turns out that Penny still has a mild concussion after her tumble down the stairs (in Episode 301, "Cazsh Dummy Spillionaires"), so her doctor has prescribed her to wear a helmet. When she starts a budding relationship with new guy Pete, Penny is too embarrassed to reveal her ailment, so all the dates she arranges are ones that require head protection.

Memorable Quotes:

Max (to Penny in her helmet): "You look like Bob the Builder's dumb sister Jill the Drooler."

Brad (to Penny in her helmet): "You look like a tampon applicator."

Dave (to Penny in her helmet): "Did you valet your kayak or did you find street parking?"

Penny (making smalltalk with Pete): "'Quaint.' Isn't that the space between a gal's goal and her penalty box?"

Penny: "I cannot let this thing hold me back. I have helmet, but helmet doesn't have me."

Penny (on dating Pete): "I do think he's starting to get a little weirded out that I only wanna go on dates where we wear helmets. And I am running out of ideas. Yesterday, we took a moped safety course."

Penny: "This helmet wasn't just protecting my head. It was protecting my heart."
Alex: "That is beautiful. Is that a quote from Iron Man 2?"

Penny (telling the truth to Pete): "I hit my head a lot. Like a cartoon coyote a lot."

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STORY 2: The Boys' Club
Jane wants to break into the boys' club at the car dealership, so she enlists Brad to help her endear herself to the Car Czar (guest star Rob Corddry).

Memorable Quotes:

Jane (to the Car Czar): "So... you and the guys want to go check out some porno? Get some eyes on some thighs? Some peepers on some creepers? Some rods and cones on some bras and thongs?"

Jane (to the Car Czar and his cronies): "You guys think your wives are bad? Brad is so spoiled, he can't sing "Louie Louie" without adding "Vuitton Vuitton."

Car Czar: "Kerkovich, gettin' loose with the spousal abuse! Wow! Let me ask you something. Is there a 10-inch whore in here? 'Cause that was a low blow!"

Car Czar: "Great party, Jane, and thanks for the Scotch. That was the second-best 18-year-old I had all week."
Car Czar's Wife: "He's just playing."
Car Czar: "Playing with breasts that aren't attached to someone I hate."

Jane: "We always talk about our wives. That's how I bond with these guys. Ted always talks about how dumb Sheila is, Keith talks about Wanda's surgery addiction... She looks like a Tom Petty Halloween mask."

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STORY 3: Down Low, Too Slow
Max is humiliated by a douchebag named Brody during a fist bump. It's up to Dave to teach Max a countermove, but Dave must first overcome his guilt for inventing "Down Low, Too Slow" that traumatized a childhood friend.

Memorable Quotes:

Alex (imitating Brody): "Yo, D. Rose, you still hanging it out with Alex, man? She left you at the altar, dude. She put your cashmere penis in the dryer, dude. She totaled your crotch car right off the cliff, man!"

Dave: "I was 10 years old. I high-fived Becky Lutz. Then I offered her one lower down. 'Down Low,' we called it. She swung for my hand and I pulled it away, and then the rhyme spilled from my lips like poison: 'Too slow.'"

Max (to Dave): "There's no way in hell that you came up with "Down Low, Too Slow." I'm sorry."
Alex: "My grandpa used to say that and he's old. Like Regis old."