STORY 1: Penny Buys a Car
Penny is buying a new car, so Jane accompanies her since she’s the “closer” of the group. Jane always gets the best deal, including scoring Max a piñata filled with 40 pounds of Nerds. 

Memorable Quotes:

Jane: “Buying a car is like going to war. A very small war inside of a car dealership.”

Car Salesman: “I am Guy. Welcome to the Car Czar. We know what cars are.”

Jane: “This about more than just a car. This is about your life. You control your own destiny, like Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games.”
Penny: “Oh, my god, I love those books! You read them, too?”
Jane: “No. That stuff’s for dorks but I knew it’d get you excited.”

Jane: “Must be strong. Like Hermione in the Harry Potter books.”
Penny: “You read those?”
Jane: “Dorks.”

The Car Czar: “In my 15 years of selling cars and my 10 years of owning a zoo, I have never seen a better negotiator. I want you to come work for me.”
Jane: “Mr. Car Czar, I am flattered but I already have a job that I love.”
The Car Czar (handing her a slip of paper): “Here’s what I’m willing to pay you.”
Jane (handing him a slip of paper): “Here’s my counter. No one should ever leave the house without their ideal salary written on a folded-up piece of paper.”

____________________

STORY 2: Hesitant Tenants
Dave and Alex are going to move in together but when they start looking at apartments, they keep coming up with excuses on why not to commit to each place.

Memorable Quotes:

Real Estate Agent: "All I need for you guys to do is sign it, and you kids will be locked into a two-year lease. Is two years a problem?”
Dave (nervously): “Yeah… No, two years is too short. Why don’t we make it a 10-year lease?”
Alex: “Or 20 or 40. Let’s die in this bitch!”

Alex: “This chandelier is gonna make it tough to do chicken fights.”
Real Estate Agent: “You guys have a lot of chicken fights?”
Dave: “Enough that it’s a real concern.”

Alex: “Does it have wi-fi?”
Real Estate Agent: “Yes, yes! Yes, of course!”
Dave: “Oooh… no bueno.”
Alex: “No, we’re old school. We like dial-up.”