The Ryan Report—Episode 415 "Pandora"

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Let’s talk for a little bit about things that suck. You’ve got vacuums, you’ve got black holes, and then, oh yeah, you’ve got Beckett and Castle keeping me out of the loop! When I first heard they were on a super secret mission from the Chief of Detectives, I was pumped. Naturally I didn’t think something being super secret meant it was super secret from me. Why wouldn’t I fall under the “need to know” umbrella, right? I mean we work all our cases together. But noooo, I couldn’t be trusted on this one.

I’m not bitter though. I may sound bitter because of what I am writing, the way I am writing it and the general way that I am acting and feeling, but no, I’m not bitter at all. I’m more excited, really. Excited for when I’m on some big huge case, and they want to know all about it, because they’re so used to knowing everything, but I’ll just say “No!”, and then they’ll know what it feels like. HA!

Okay, maybe I’m a little bitter. But I’m not angry. I can’t be. Deep down, I know this job, I know what I signed up for, and I know there are some things that have to be kept hush hush. Even from me. Maybe it’s just easier for the Chief to keep it compartmentalized, so we can each focus on our own jobs. Maybe it’s something so huge and scary that if I heard about it I’d just hide under my desk and suck my thumb. Maybe they’re planning me a surprise early birthday party—I don’t know, but I do know I can’t get angry about it.

This institution that I work for is dedicated, above all else, to keeping people safe. Its goal is not my happiness; its goal is my well-being, and the well-being of those around me and of those that I love. And as much as it may suck at times, well-being and knowledge do not always go hand in hand.

I think this is difficult pill to swallow for a lot of people, and I get that. At then end of the day I guess it comes down to trust. I believe in the New York City Police Department and more than that, I believe in Kate Beckett. If there is someone I have to trust with vital information, it’s going to be her. 

But Castle though? I mean come on, he’s a writer, this is going to show up in some book—how do they trust him over me? Yeah forget everything I just said, I am bitter, I am angry and this does suck!