The Ryan Report -- Episode 223 "Overkill"

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Girls, I'm going to tell you something that you won't believe: Being a guy is hard work. Have I blown your minds yet? Okay, maybe that statement wasn't exactly true, but it's definitely harder work than you think – at least, in the grooming department.

I know, I know… Nothing can compare to having to do make-up or shave your legs or deal with the changing fashion trends or make your hair do that thing you want it to do. I've heard it a million times from all the girls I've dated: being a guy is easy. We've only got a few dress options (button down shirt, t-shirt, golf shirt, sweater…) and doing our hair generally takes about a tenth of the time yours does (unless you live on the Jersey Shore, apparently). And the biggest one you've got over us; guys can't give birth.

But, hear me out…. All those things are true. But it's because those things are true that it's hard to be a guy. Say you want to dress outside of those typical options. Well, first you have to actually find something incredibly expensive and tailored and fascinating looking. Then when you wear it, you have to endure not only the expected harassment of your narrow-minded partner (who calls it a man-blouse), but also the suspicion of the women at the local bar, who don't trust a man who doesn't subscribe to dress norms. Never mind that you're ahead of your time fashionwise and that it looks really, really good on you – they won't even deign to talk to you.

Not that I've ever experienced that. I just heard about it from this guy I know.

And beyond the dressing options, there's the facial hair issue. As in, every single woman I know has a completely different opinion on the matter and each one is totally committed to that opinion. I once dated a girl for whom I had to shave twice a day. Forget five o'clock shadow – if I even had twelve-thirty shade, she sent me to my razor, shaving cream, and hot water. Of course, then there was the girl who made me grow out a wild and wooly beard – the longer the better. When asked why she loved it so much, all she'd say is that her Dad had a beard too. I'm not really sure what that meant and I didn't spend a lot of time trying to figure it out either. Which sort of reminds me of that other girl who got me the same cologne that her dad wore. Hmm… Nah, I'm going to leave that one alone.

Anyhow, my point in relating all of this is to say that it's a harder act being a guy than it might seem. And when something comes along that makes it easier, like, say, self-heated shaving cream or an amazing tailor or a girlfriend who's flexible on the whole facial hair issues, then it's really appreciated.Because, although I like to make my girlfriend the happiest girl on earth, I also treasure sleeping in occasionally. So when the end result is a little scruff, I thank all the relevant deities that I have a girlfriend who finds it "cute."