The Ryan Report - Episode 220 "The Late Shaft"

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I've been an avid reader ever since I was a little kid. Back in the day, I'd read through entire sections of the library. I mean, I even read every single "Choose Your Own Adventure" book! That's dedication.

And whenever it was announced that a book was "Soon To Be A Major Motion Picture," I HAD to read it. I wanted to get a jump on what the movie was going to be and film it all in my head first, before I even saw the movie.

This, of course, set me up for many, many disappointments because movies rarely live up to great books. See, in your imagination, you have limitless budgets and endless running time. You can cast any actor you want... which is especially useful if you imagine Humphrey Bogart co-starring with Ralph Macchio. They can't do that in real life (at least, not yet!) I'd always come out of the movies disappointed, wanting to go back to the version I imagined when I read the book.

Now that I'm grown up, I'm still an avid reader (which comes in very useful on the job), but I've learned my lesson. I only read the book AFTER I've seen the movie. That way, I'm rarely as disappointed. It's more like a pleasant surprise when I find out the movie did a decent job of translating the book.

But with the news that HEAT WAVE is going to be turned into a movie, it looks like I'm back where I was in school â€" a step too far ahead. I mean, not only did I read the book already and imagine all the adventures, I actually lived through some of the cases that inspired them!

Plus, this time, I have a lot more invested than the usual reader â€" I have to make sure that my alter-ego, Detective Raley, comes off just as cool as I am! That starts, of course, with what actor they cast for the part. My first suggestion to Castle was James McAvoy, but Jenny keeps suggesting Robert Pattinson (she happens to a big fan of a certain movie series from a certain book series). I'm also partial to Johnny Depp, maybe Leonardo DiCaprio... you know, if they have a good take on the role.

And, when it comes time for the movie to actually be filmed, I'll be more than happy to give the movie stars involved all the wisdom and guidance I've acquired in my many years working for the NYPD. For a small fee and a credit of course... I knew all these years of giving Castle free advice would pay off!

Of course, as I've said before, for every great book-to-movie like THE GODFATHER, there's a ton of LOVE IN THE TIME OF CHOLERA-style stinkers (bet you didn't even know that book was made into a movie!)

I can only hope that the eventual motion picture of HEAT WAVE breaks my childhood cycle and kicks as much butt as possible. Esposito and I are going to be at the premiere, so we're going to have some strong words with the director if it doesn't... Although as long as they make Raley and Ochoa look cool, we'll probably just enjoy the free booze and gawk at celebrities.